Do you fit in?
Do you want to fit in?
What does fitting in even mean?
Fit into what?
What are you trying to fit into?
Why are you trying to fit into it?
What are you sacrificing to fit in?
I’ve never felt like I fit in. One of my earliest memories reminds me of this. My friend’s grandfather took us on a short train ride to the twin next to us. He wanted to take us to a toy store. We were supposed to buy toy planes.
I bought Silly Putty instead.
I felt happy and excited.
Until I got home.
My mom was upset at my decision. I was supposed to buy a plane. I wasn’t supposed to buy silly putty.
Why couldn’t I do what i was supposed to do? Why couldn’t I fit in? Why did I always have to be so difficult?
I’ve learned this and other messages shaped a significant piece of my existence. I started second guessing myself.
Should I do what felt right? Or should I try and fit in?
Eventually I chose the latter. Choosing the former felt too painful to a young child.
I learned to get used to a new kind of pain. This pain came from fitting-in externally, or at least giving the appearance I was trying to. Internally I was feeling excruciating pain because I wasn’t fitting into myself. I wasn’t in sync with who I was and am.
Just Rolling with It is about learning to fit in with who I am. I’m learning it’s possible to do this and be happy. In fact, I’m learning it’s necessary to do this to be happy.
How about you? Are you fitting in to who you are? Or, are you fitting in to an existence shaped by who others tell you who you should be?
This post was first published in the JRWI newsletter. Subscribe for free here. You’ll receive one post like this each week on Sunday evening. My hope is it inspires you at the start of your week.